Mr Mom
by Kirriri
Summary: Sasuke and Sakura currently has 4 children that Sasuke frankly doesn't want to deal with. But when Sakura suddenly leaves for the weekend what will Sasuke do? SasuXSaku


"Sasuke! What should I do? My mom's really sick! Can you watch the kids for a few days? You're on vacation from work right?" Sakura asked glancing down at the baby on her hip. I stared at my ridiculous wife.

"You're kidding right?" I groaned. Sakura sighed giving me a piercing look. Women . . . you got to wonder why you marry them sometimes.

"No Sasuke. Act like a father sometimes, will ya?" She snapped. I looked over my shoulder at the little girl on the couch watching some stupid show about talking ponies.

"Can't you just leave them with Ino or Hinata?" I asked hopefully. Sakura rolled her eyes shoving our youngest child, a little boy Ryoto in my arms.

"No! You're their father you can take care of them on your own!" Sakura shouted angrily. Sasuke glared at the baby.

"No I can't, I'm not a child person. How long will you be gone?"

"I don't know, a few days? Anyways I'm leaving. Don't call me! Figure things out for yourself for once, all right? Bye!" With that Sakura slammed the front door leaving me with 3 little brats.

"Akemi, Ichirou!" I shouted. Nearly instantly Akemi, my daughter and Ichirou my son appeared at my feet. "You're mother left." I said bluntly. Akemi's bright green eyes turned blury with tears.

"Mommy's gone? Foweveh?" The 6 year old girl asked grabbing my shirt. I sighed. She still has yet to properly pronounce the letter 'r'.

"Not forever stupid. Just until she gets back."

"Where is she?" Ichirou asked.

"Oh uh – I'm not actually sure. She's visiting her mom. Can you remember where that is?" I asked. Akemi and Ichirou shrugged.

"I'm hungwy!" Akemi whined. I gaped at her. She hungry? I glanced at the clock. Well it is past dinner time . . .

"Sorry kid, I don't cook. That's your mom's job."

"I'm hungry too. Why can't you do anything? You're worthless?" Ichirou asked grinning slyly at me. That little scheming brat!

"I'm not worthless. I earn the money, Sakura takes care of the kids and housework. That includes cooking. See, it makes sense."

"No it doesn't. You have to feed us. Otherwise we'll die." Ichirou explained.

"Fine, what do kids eat anyways?" I asked walking into the kitchen. Akemi and Ichirou were right on my heels.

"Um, food. What else?" Ichirou snapped. I opened a cupboard finding it difficult. I put down Ryoto on the counter.

"You're quite the smart ass aren't you?" I ask.

"Smawt ass?" Akemi echoed.

"Ah- don't say that Akemi, that's a no no word. You're mother would beat me silly if she heard you say that." Akemi giggled.  
"Smawt ass! Smawt ass! Smawt ass!" She shouted running in circles as if she's an airplane. Really? An airplane? Please, don't tell me she got that from me! . . . wait, her mother. Definitely her mother.

I thought about our conversation 9 years ago.

"Sasuke, I want kids." Sakura complained as I lay down in bed next to her.

"I don't. Kids are just smelly, loud and they eat a lot." I complained. Sakura instantly curled against me and I enjoyed the familiar feeling of her.

"Well . . . yeah, but they also bring happiness. Ever sense I was young my dream was – well to marry you, but also to have kids. C'mon please? Please Sasuke." Sakura begged. I could tell she really wanted this. I would never admit this but I would do anything for her. "Please, just one even!" I pulled her closer to me.

"Fine, just one. How about we get trying now?" I said huskily positioning my body over her as I leaned down and kissed her.

"So that's why you said yes, you bastard." Sakura laughed meeting my kiss halfway.

"Maybe."

What happened to one kid Sakura? We have three. Three smelly, loud kids who eat a lot. "Alright, how about we go to like burger king? Or- Damn! I promised Naruto I would meet up with him at Ichiraku! Ichirou, can you watch your sister and Ryoto?" I asked slipping on my shoes. Ichirou stepped right in front of me.

"Dad, I'm 8." Ichirou said bluntly.

"And?"

"I can't watch a baby and a 6 year old girl, I'm 8! I'm incapable of doing it!"

"If you can use the word 'incapable' in a sentence, you can watch two kids." I pointed out.

"If you leave without us, I'll call Mom, and tell her." Ichirou said grinning.

"Fine, put on your shoes, we're going." Akemi laughed and slipped on her pink ballet flats that oddly matched her hair. Isn't it great to have a daughter who's favorite color is pink, the same color as her hair. So not only is she wearing a pink dress and pink ballet flats, they match her hair.

I opened the door and beckoned them outside. I closed the door behind us and Akemi crossed her arms stubbornly.

"Wyoto!" Akemi cried. I stared at her.

"What?" I asked.

"Wyoto, Wyoto, Wyoto!" I could not tell what she was saying.

"Ryoto." Ichirou said from behind me.

"Oh right, don't forget the baby." I ran inside grabbed the sleeping baby and then locked the door. I stared at the driveway. I forgot, Sakura took the car. I quickly checked my pockets. And my keys are inside. "Well kids we're walking." My phone rang startling Ryoto awake and to begin crying.

"Hello?" I answered loudly trying to talk over the crying baby.

"Sasuke? Where are you? And what's up with the crying baby, is it Ryoto?" Naruto asked. I tried shaking Ryoto causing him to cry even louder.

"Yeah, here I'll call you back." I hung up and shoved the phone in my pocket. "Be quite, Ryoto!" I commanded. Ryoto cried louder.

"My ears!" Cried Akemi.

I looked up startled to see Sai and Ino walking towards us.

"Sasuke! Why is Ryoto crying? Here hand him over." I gratefully handed Ryoto to Ino. She coddled him doing this odd thing shaking him on her hip. And nearly instantly he stopped crying and did a cute little giggle.

"How do woman do it?" I asked in wonder. Said smiled and shrugged.

"I'm not sure either." He confessed.

"Well when you have two 9 year old twins, you learn pretty quick how to take care of babies." Ino explained. I glanced down at Akemi and Ichirou, I have two kids, why don't I know the secret?

"Ino! Ino! I leawned a new wowd today!" Akemi giggled.

"Oh yeah? What is it?" Ino asked kindly.

"Smawt ass! Smawt ass! Smawt ass!" Akemi shouted beginning to do her plane thing again.

"Sasuke Uchiha! What are you teaching you're children! Where's sakura?" Ino yelled. I sighed.

"Sakura ditched me, anyways I got to go! I'm meeting up with Naruto at Ichiraku." I reached out taking Ryoto.

"Sakura ditched you? Hey sasuke! Are you listening to me? Sasuke!" I ignored her as I made my way down the street. I looked down at the baby in my arms.

"Boo." I puffed out my cheeks. Ryoto laughed slapping me with a surprising amount of force. All the air in my cheeks escaped and I couldn't hold back a smile. A smile? Did a smelly and loud baby just make smile? Well he does have Sakura's gorgeous eyes, and my sexy hair. I shake my head. What am I thinking?

Dinner at Ichiraku went rather well. Afterward Naruto invited me and the kids to his place. It went all well until Ryoto began to cry. And he would not stop crying.

"What's wrong with him!" I exclaim.

"I don't know! Wait . . . do you smell that?" Naruto asked. We both froze looking around the room. At the same time our gaze landed on the baby.

"His . . . diaper?" I asked. Naruto nodded.

"I've never changed a diaper before." Naruto pointed out.

"Neither have I." I explained. Naruto held out a fist and I nodded.

"Rock. Paper. Scissors!" We said in unison. I stared at Naruto's hand. Scissors? I have rock so . . .

"Yes! Ha loser! Have fun." I exclaim.

"Did you bring diapers?" Naruto asked. I groaned.

"No I'll be right back." Naruto nodded. Naruto lived not even half a block from K-Mart. After a quick run in a bought diapers and made it back to Naruto's place is no time.

"Here." I snapped thrusting them to Naruto. Naruto nodded and opened the package taking one out. Then he slowly opened the diaper on Ryoto. Naruto gagged as did Ichirou and Akemi who watched intently.

"It stinks." Akemi whined. I glared at her to be quite. Naruto balled the rather full diaper up and tossed it into the trash can.

"Dude, you're getting baby shi- poop on you're counter." I glanced down at the children. I had to watch my language, who knows what Akemi would pretend to be next. A car? Maybe even a bench or something stupid like that.

"Ah! Okay let's get this diaper on." Naruto exclaimed trying to unwrap the new diaper.

"Oi, you need to like wipe his butt first." I point out. Naruto glared at me.

"Then go get me some toilet paper." As soon as Naruto finished his sentence Akemi popped forward holding a handful of toilet paper.

"Here!" She chimed. How she did that, I have no idea. Naruto got down to business. But when the time came to actually put on the diaper we were lost.

"Move." Ichirou commanded. He pulled a chair up to the counter climbed onto it and then started wrapping the diaper. I watched the kid do it surprised. That's how it works?

"Huh." Naruto and I said.

"Hey, Naruto. You're wife has a key to my house some where right?" I asked.

"Yeah I think so. Let me call her."

I got the key and successfully made it home. With Ichirou's help I even fed the baby out of a bottle. I was proud of myself, which is saying something. I put Ryoto in bed then commanded Akemi and Ichirou to bed.

The house was finally peaceful and right as I closed my eyes . . . BOOM! Noise. Ryoto is crying, there's rustling in the kitchen and footsteps running down the hall. I burst out of the master bedroom and there's Akemi running down the hallway doing her plane thing.

"Akemi I told you it's bed time!" I shouted. I scooped her up under the armpits carrying her to the other room. I dropped her onto her rainbow bed and she began to cry. "Don't cry. Hey! I said don't cry!" I jumped up picking up Ryoto trying to do the little hip bounce thing I saw Ino do.

"Mommy always sang me a lullaby!" Akemi whined. I glared at her.

"You're kidding. Since when?"

"Since ever! Sing! Sing!"

"Fine, if I sing will you go to bed." Akemi nodded. I glance over at Ichirou's bed and noticed he's not there. Well he probably doesn't care to hear me sing. "Um, Akemi, Akemi. My child Akemi. Go to bed or else erm Papa will be mad-ah. So sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep . . . right now, just sleep." I stopped with the pitiful song I made up. Akemi was sound asleep and Ryoto had fallen asleep too.

"That easy?" I wondered aloud. I lay Ryoto down and turn on the nightlight and turned off their light. I fallowed the rustling sound in the kitchen. Ichirou was eating some chips.

"What 'chya doing kid?" I asked crossing my arms. He held up the bag and shrugged. "Why aren't you asleep. And hey- why are you're blankets in the living room.  
"Akemi talks in her sleep, big time. Mom always lets me sleep in the living room, and when you're not home with her." Ichirou explained. How is it that these are my own kids and yet I know nearly nothing about them? Because you haven't tried to get to know them. My mind echoed. I sigh.

"You want to sleep with me?" I asked. Ichirou gaped.

"Can I?" He asked eagerly.

"Sure why not." Ichirou dropped the bag of chips on the counter. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me to my room. Is he really that eager to spend time with me? I chuckled to myself and Ichirou jumped onto my bed.

"Hey, dad?" Ichirou asked. I turned off the bedroom light and turned on the lamp next to the bed. I sat down and turned towards him.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"How did you and mom meet?" He asked. I looked at him shocked. How did we meet?

"I can't actually remember. We've known each other since . . . kindergarten?"

"Then how did you fall in love?" Ichirou asked enthusiastically.

"Ah, you ask a lot of questions. Well when I was little I always thought you're mother was really annoying. She was just one of the many girls that liked me. But when we were in Junior High I was out behind the school . . . smoking. Sakura walked by and noticed and got angry. While all the girl's at school would go on and on about how sexy I looked smoking you're mom got mad. She stomped up to me grabbed the cigarette and stomped on it. Then she shouted something about being a stupid teenager. That got my attention.

"After that I would look at her. Not like look at her but at look at who she is. What she does, what she says. A lot of people would take advantage of her. But Sakura didn't mind. She just looked out for people. Wanted their well-being. I then got to learn girl's aren't all that creepy and annoying, nor are they great just for their body. Your mother is the only woman I know who I like for who they are. I won't lie that I'm not attracted to Sakura's body but I fell in love by who she is." Why am I explaining this to an 8 year old boy? Ichirou laughed.

"Okay. Mom's afraid you don't love her." Ichirou confessed. Sakura told him something like that?

"Why?" I snap sitting up. Ichirou continued to lie down calmly.

"Because you don't like me, and Akemi and Ryoto. Mom says she can't remember when you said I love you. It's like you avoid all of us." Ichirou explained. I gaped at him. I didn't love them? That's crazy!

"Ichirou."

"Yeah?"

"I love you. I love Akemi. I love Ryoto. And I especially love your mother. I never wanted kids though, and that was just because I'm not a kids person. As you can most likely tell. And before today I never thought kids could be nice. Truthfully one of the best days of my life is when you were born, then Akemi and then Ryoto. I admit, I did sorta avoid you guys. But not for one moment of my life have I not loved you both." I explained. I lied back down turning off the lamp. By the soft glow of the moon through the window I could see Ichirou.

"Dad, I love you." Ichirou suddenly said hugging me. I chuckled and hugged him back.

"I love you too, Ichirou." I smiled down at him. "You know, you look exactly like I did when I was your age. It's sorta creepy." I pointed out. Ichirou looked up and glared at me.

"The fact you said that, is sorta creepy." He snapped. I ruffled his hair.

"Shut up kid or else I'll push you off the bed." Ichirou rolled his eyes and then nuzzled his face against my chest.

"Right." I smiled too myself. Kids aren't that bad. Maybe I'll tell Sakura that I want more – that is after I've said I love you at least 500 times. "Thanks Ichirou." I whispered to the night.


End file.
